Beautiful jokes

Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ? Man: It did for a while - then it fell off!

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First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity? Second girl: No, it's imagination.

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Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was love at first sight,' said Julie. 'It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.

Entertaining Jokes of the day

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It's an illusion...

Diner: Waitress, the portions are getting smaller. Waiter: It's just an optical illusion. It's just that the restaurant has been enlarged.

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Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make. Waiter: They are. She couldn't cook either.

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Waiter, Waiter there's a fly in my ice-cream ! Gee I did not know that they had started winter sports so early in the year !

PR... and wifes

USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

Journalist related joke

Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish." The photographer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas. The journalist went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean. Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie. "I want them both back after lunch" replied the editor, "the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours.

Police officer case and...a disturbance!

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini." The giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?" Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled. "Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it." "In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."

Business Flowers...

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace". The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was ,the florist said. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."

Little boy at a wedding

A little boy walked down the aisle at a wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would take two steps, then stop, and turn to the crowd, alternating between the bride's side and the groom's side. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. And so it went-step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR-all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and he was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed back his tears and said, "I was being the ring bear."

Married with Children

A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while their ten-year- old son was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was going on in the neighbourhood. So the boy stood on the balcony and reported on everything that was happening. "A police car has just called at the Hamiltons' house, the Chandlers are taking delivery of a new wardrobe, and the Mitchell's are having sex." Hearing this, the boy's parents shot bolt upright. "How do you know the Mitchells are having sex?" "Because their kid is standing on the balcony too."